Friday, January 09, 2009

Another Bombshell Dropped, Another Spirit Died... And then You Came...

Only a few days into the year and I am officially declaring 2009 a bad year! Why? Nuthing good has happened since, that's why. And screw the 2009 is a good year for everyone generally bt not for the boars (pigs)! If I fast forward to 2010, i'll be a yr older and still unlucky. Shit shit shit!

Met my cuzzies last nite for a short while and Nadia told us some stuffs that she initially wanted to keep as a secret. The things that she told broke my already-broken heart. Why are you all doing this to me? Why do all of you like to accuse me of things I didn't do? Why is a good deed being reciprocate with bad name?

I am not angry at you Nadia for telling me, as I have suspected it all along bt to have it confirmed, especially at this time when I am feeling rock bottom low, is a huge stab into my heart. How could she say that? How could they? Is this the "Let's Attack Shikin Together" month?

This is so typical. I tried my best to be the best for everyone and yet this is what I get. I tried to be the best sister - they hate me 98% of the time and that 2% is only when they are in trouble and need my money, my things, my help and when I am on holidays coz they will get gifts. I tried to be the best daughter - I am seconded still. I have to put in effort to communicate, be close to and be loved by you bt she doesnt need to at all. I tried to be the best cousin and niece - you only used me time and again and forgot everything that I did for you. And like when that is not enough, you got other people to turn against me. You told them the untruth, acting like an angel and a victim when the real victim in this whole mess is me. You make me look bitter, mean, selfish and jealous and for what, may I ask? and why? I tried to be the best friend - time and again you disappoint me. Leaving me in the lurch when you have a better half and come running to me when you are in trouble. And when I decide enough is enough and turn away, you push all blames on me. I tried to be the best girlfriend - and yet no one stayed long enough.

So you see, I tried. I really did and I'm very tired. Very very tired of going through the same cycle of all downs and no ups. I know there's such a thing call karma and what goes around do come around but I have waited for it to happen for so long that I gave up hoping seeing it happen. Do i really look not human to any one of you? Do I really look like I don't have feelings or feel hurt? Do I look like i don't have fears, tears, emotions? Do I look like a piece of wood to you?
Maybe I do.

And maybe I will be...

But this time the phone call I was so waiting did not come to enlighten me...
He came in person, and that was good enough.

"Hatiku bukan seketul daging yang tidak berdenyut tanpa rasa...." - Anon

Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 3:56 PM